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Best of craigslist "What happened to all the nice guys?"

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy


  1. Craigslist trolling at its finest :). Following!

  2. I think the term "nice guy" has a few too many meanings as well. I consider myself a nice guy except I still do whatever the Hell I want. I'm just not an asshole about it. But yeah, whenever I hear the phrase "nice guy," "pussy" or "wimp" always come to mind as well.

  3. Lol I read that before.

    Nice blog you have here.

    Following and supporting.

  4. lol, very true. follow back, i got u.

  5. Read this before, still lol'd so true. Following you now bro

  6. Sample bias.

    P.S. you have Captcha (word verification) switched on.

  7. Oh, thank you 4 the information :)

  8. Nice articles dude,

    ive got you on follow and thankyou for my follow

  9. I got a very nice chair from Craigslist! Always insightful. Following and supporting ;).

    Friend/Follow me at:

  10. Nice blog dude, I'm from the IRC channel.
    Follow me!

  11. oh so true!


  12. Yeah I remember reading this when I was younger and I was a pretty small and wussy guy with low confidence, and I totally agreed with it then. As I grew up though, I realised that there's absolutely no reason for me to be like that if I don't want to, I got myself some confidence, I just told myself "your fucken awesome! Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks or says because they're not you and your awesome!" and soon I believed it.

    As soon as my confidence built I started to pick up chicks. I'm still a "nice guy" but I disagree with this story now, because I think the problem for that guy is that he got friendzoned and didnt realise and so then he got hurt. Thats not the girls fault thats his fault, he should have realised what was going on and walked away.

    As is said by a japanese man in some movie I Can't remember

    "Walk Away! Justa Walk Away!

    Anyway nice blog bro followed.

  13. This is why I love having a gay best friend.

  14. Nice post!

  15. We all know girls don't really want a nice guy, at least not so nice he cant even get it up. You need that high level of testosterone to attract women, biologically they are attracted to the most "evolutionary fit" mating partner whether that involves physical fitness or a certain type of personality. Still being a good human being involves kindness and humility and the rewards for being a great person are much greater than a little ass here and there I think.

    Following and Supporting

  16. Meh, writing something that begrudging is reason enough for his no-sex-getting. I would have felt the same way long ago though. No more Mr. Nice Guy these days, though, and I'm happier for it.